Secret Mommy-hood Confession: Because I Might Break Him

 

**I wrote and re-wrote this post many times, so a. it’s old, he’s no longer “sick” and b. it may not make sense, so I apologize in advance for that.**

C.J. has been sick for about 3 days.

I’m not much of a worrier when it comes to the 4-year old.

We tell her to dust herself off a lot.

We say “you’re okay” a lot.

I consult Dr. Google for questionable things that may happen with her and really she only visits the doctor for really important things. Like when I thought she had a urinary tract infection (she didn’t, by the way).

But when it comes to the baby? I call his doctor if he sneezes the wrong way.

I don’t ever want to “miss something” and then he end up in the hospital. It was like that with Pea when she was younger, too, except she was a sickly child so her doctors visits were always warranted.

So when his temperature reached 100 degrees, he went in. I didn’t know if he had an ear infection, upper respiratory infection (since mommy, daddy and sister were all sick with a terrible cold) or what… but he was going to the doctor.

Of course, it helps to find a doctor that you love. Not like, but love. Our pediatrician here makes me feel right at home. She is smart, she is young, she’s got kids, she keeps it real and she could probably be one of my long lost cousins, so I really respect her opinion.

Now I know that lots of parents say that doctors don’t know everything and that you should only take their advice as a guide to help you make your own decisions, but between birth and 1 year I like to think of my pediatrician as the Jesus Christ of baby knowledge. Mainly because they spent all these years in college learning all of this stuff about the human body that I don’t know. Now if you want to know the difference between phonics and phonemic awareness, I got you. Medical stuff? That’s why God made humans who wanted to spend 8+ years in school called doctors.

I also like to consult many sources including Dr. Google and other moms prior to making decisions, but I take my doctor’s word very seriously. I didn’t spend years perfecting my skills in medicine. I’m not the one that sees children in my office 5 days a week and there’s no M.D. after my name.

I know that medicine is a “practice” and it is ever-changing. Sometimes, I do take what my doctor says with a grain of salt- like when she told me that she doesn’t think C.J. should start solids til his eczema clears up. Well, shit, he’ll never start solids and my 20 pound boy is hungry NOW.

Yes, I’ve done this parenting thing before and have one seemingly healthy child, but I’m seriously afraid that I’ll break him y’all.

Sometimes I look at him and I think “who the hell put me in charge of this little human being?” I think I’m great at parenting our preschooler and dealing with her health issues, but babies seem so fragile. I’m afraid about what will happen when the fever gets too high or they have a cold too long or mystery rashes pop up on their skin.

Don’t laugh at me. I’m afraid.

No, I don’t take him to the doctor every day, but when we do go I’m the mom that has a list of questions. In between doctors visits, I ask moms that I know who can tolerate me (and won’t make me feel stupid) lots of questions, too. Even if I think I know the answer, I double-check and ask the question anyway.

Cause seriously, I might break him.