And I’m not referring to the oh-so-famous book with the same title.
We had a friend in from Nebraska over the weekend and he wanted to go to the outlet mall, so we went. True to retail form, there was a “big sale” going on and I was drawn to the many racks of clothes sitting outside of the Carter’s store that said “up to insert double-digit number here percent off.”
First off, I worked at Aeropostale long enough to decipher that things are overpriced, only to say “30% off, 60% off” to bring it down to regular price. Second off, I have been a Mommy who’s shopped at Carter’s long enough to know that though they are a force to be reckoned with in the children’s clothing world, they too, are disturbingly expensive. As my husband so aptly put it “$20 for an outfit?! They can’t compete with Walmart’s prices!” And no, they can’t. I’m sorry, I love my kids… but when they grow like weeds Garanimals (by Walmart) is an excellent alternative for clothes. Especially when they sell shirts and pants at like $3 a piece. We can talk more about name-brand clothes when my kids aren’t gonna grow out of it in one week.
Anyway… I digress.
I thought we should check out the sale rack to pick out some things for the new baby. Hand-me-downs are great (and most welcome, read: friends, feel free to send me all baby clothes you are no longer using. Please.) but new stuff for the new baby is cool too. After mulling over the clothes, which really, are all the same except for the embroidered animal or nifty saying on the front/back we leave content with our few purchases. (I’m still kinda in awe that I’m pregnant so I am being cautious about over-buying for the new baby.)
As we sat outside of the Adidas outlet waiting for our friend, I took out the Carter’s bag to inspect our purchases.
One-by-one, I take a look at the little fancy feet…
And the little appliques that say stuff that my husband and I can giggle at:
And I feel it.
The tears are coming.
He looks at me, so concerned.
“Honey, what’s wrong?”
I shake my head. I can’t even get words out. I’m so choked up.
You ever want something so bad?
And you get so excited just at the thought?
And you go through highs and lows and sometimes you think “shit, this will never happen” and then boom, you’re almost halfway there?
I feel the baby moving.
I check the baby’s heartbeat almost incessantly with the doppler that I rented (yup, I’m that girl).
I talk to the baby.
I see my stomach growing.
It’s unreal to me.
They say the third time is the charm, right? After two unsuccessful tries at being parents again, it’s still really unfathomable to me that we are having a baby. I’ll be 18 weeks tomorrow… I’m not sure when it will sink in, really.
I look up at him.
This man who has handled these pregnancies like a champ. Especially when I couldn’t.
And I just say:
“I am so excited to meet him.”
“I know babe, me too. We’re gonna have a little boy.”
People are walking by, busy shopping and enjoying their Sunday and I am crying over my unborn child.
And tears of joy, at that.
We’re gonna be parents again.
Pea is gonna be a big sister.
And yesterday, I cried.