When Pea was born, we were in Florida. Just us, a family of three with no family close by. Then we moved 3,000 miles away to California with an even greater distance between us and family. For 1 1/2 years it was just Pea and I at home all day, every day. And even now in Colorado it’s just us three. Together.
Therefore, the husband and I don’t get much “we time” and I mean we’re okay with that. As my friend Jill would say “it is what it is.” This is the life we’ve chosen for ourselves. And, in hindsight, I love my space. I always have. That’s why I left home at 17 and never looked back. I like the way we live and the lives we’ve chosen for ourselves, the choices we’ve made in raising Pea- all ours. No influences needed.
With that being said, it’s hard when family does visit or we visit them. They love Pea so much (who wouldn’t) and want to spend time with her alone and I can’t even swallow that. I’m not ready. My mom came for 3 weeks and I don’t think we gave her five seconds alone with Pea.
I have separation anxiety.
She’s my baby and let’s not forget that I call her my miracle baby since we’ve struggled so hard to have another kid. She’s mine and I can’t leave her. It pains us to even leave her at school during the day, but Momma’s gotta work to make that money, right?
I don’t like to share. I don’t want to share.
Or I do…
But I’m just not ready.
When we visit family in Nebraska, you think that would be the perfect time for alone time, but it’s not. It’s just family time. Us and Pea.
I was talking to my friend Crissy and I know I’m not insane because her baby girl Kylee, same age as Pea, has never spent the night away from her mom and dad nor have they gone extended periods of time away from each other. My friend Trish said the same thing about her daughter Lila- who will be 5 in May!
I know I’m not insane. Is it a Mommy thing?
Then I feel bad because Pea is loved by her grandparents and they want to indulge every moment with her. But I want to be there too. You want to go to lunch? Sure, if I can come. You want to go to the park? Yup and I’ll come too.
Am I being a hawk?
Maybe I’m afraid I will miss something significant that happens with Pea.
I spoke with the husband and I think we’ve both decided that we have no idea when we’ll be ready for Pea to even spend the night away from us. Maybe when she is in Elementary School because I know that’s when sleepovers start? Maybe only if the sleepover is at my house… Okay, maybe Middle School…
I’m sure I’ll get over it. Maybe one day when I have more than one kid I’ll be begging people to take at least one of them, but for now? I want to keep her close for as long as I can.
I know it’s selfish, but I don’t share well.
At least, I don’t share my kid well.
How bout you?