I complain a lot. I do.
I try not to, but I do feel like it’s a part of human nature to complain.
As easy as it is to say “There are children in Africa dying” or “There are people who don’t have a home” I think you need to vent your frustrations too or you become one angry person. I think… I’m no expert.
I also think you may become one depressed person if you focus all of your energy on other people’s problems and don’t worry about your own. The troubles of the world are so great.
I think finding a good balance between bitching and complaining about my own problems and still being aware of what is going on in the world and how blessed I am is the right thing to do.
In light of that, yeah, I just had a miscarriage and that makes miscarriage number 2.
And yeah, I’m super annoyed/pissed/angry that we are having such a hard damn time having another baby.
But this week, we got an email at work that one of our secretaries/Registrar had lost her grandson who was less than 1 year old. Then today I read Kim’s blog about this woman, Hope who went into early labor with twins at 21 weeks and after a battle to save the living baby (the first baby was born stillborn), the baby- named Zaria- passed away.
Yes, it sucks to have a miscarriage.
I bet, though, with all of my heart that it sucks even more to lose a child that you birthed, held in your arms, and prayed to God that s/he would survive.
Yup, that sucks even more.
In fact, it’s not fair.
Here is what Hope had to say about baby Zaria (I’ve picked out a few pieces for you):
“From the early ‘honeymoon’ week Zaria introduced us to what a strong little fighter she was. She faced chronic lung disease, grade 3 brain bleeds, and heart surgery within the first few weeks of her stay. Every time she met these obstacles we were all surprised because she didn’t want to show us any signs of her distress.
As she healed from each trauma we breathed a collective sigh of relief. We spent hours and hours at her bedside peering into a plastic womb and getting to know our littlest daughter. When possible we held her head and feet as she spread out her toes and caressed our fingertips as we sought to soothe her and her us….
After holding such strong hope for our girl through all the ‘you must give up care’-s for her from the doctors, we could not allow our minds to fathom that she had more of the disease. The surgeon finally realized that it was futile to convince us as we saw the glimmer of hope in her words of “most likely will not live”. ‘Most likely’ can’t convince two loving parents who want with all their hearts for their daughter to survive the NICU and come home with them. The doctor realized she would have to show us proof.
After an exploratory bedside surgery and a photograph of the perforated gut and decaying tissue, we finally began to swallow our hope for saving our daughter….
On Sunday morning, August 28, we realized we should let go (I couldn’t use the term ‘withdraw care’ because what mother can really withdraw care of their child?)…
I held her warm body to my bare chest and soothed her fears. She lay in Luke’s lap at sunrise by the window; and as her heart faintly beat she lightened our loads as she flew away home. We studied her beautiful face (looking much like her brother’s), stroked her reddish brown hair and held her little fingers.“
A mother’s love for her child is one that cannot be quantified, but the anguish that a mother feels when that child is lost?
The family was out of town when Hope when into pre-term labor and took a huge financial hit back home in North Carolina as they had to board their animals and break their lease to stay with their baby girl, away from home, in another hospital. There is a fund for her and really, if you can give, please do- whatever is within your means.
For some reason I can’t link directly to the Paypal donation link, but you can send donations via PayPal to: firstname.lastname@example.org OR follow the link below (that says “click here”) and click through her site to donate.
There’s a giveaway too of a variety of items. If you’re interested, click here to see what’s up for grabs.
Anyway, kiss your babies (that you have with you) and for sure always remember to take the time and count your blessings.